Monday, December 29, 2008


I should be doing my 10 journals that I have to send by dec 31st midnight but it seems like having to do school work during the holidays does not work.
here is what I am doing instead

playing guitar hero3 for 4 hours straight with stef today was AMAZING!!!! When we would finish songs during our first try outs it was sick but... FUCK YOU YOU BLACK MAGIC WOMAN... I cant believe how hard that song is!!!!!
26 songs done. Its ridic!
Tomorrow the madness continues.
Here is one of the harder ones that when we finally got it down, we tried to scream but instead no sound came out and I fake bashed my guitar cuz I thought I was so badass, Its Helicopter from Bloc Party:

Alright so I am losing my mind over here in Montreal city...I need to get away.
Im thinking Mexico in about 2 weeks for a week or 2. I already have Maximillion D'Alessandro coming with me and possibly my friend naomi. I would love to find a 4th person to come with us. Is anyone interested? I dont mind going somewhere other than mexico but a beach would be preferable.

Any takers???? Let me know ASAP!!!

Friday, December 26, 2008

Here's to NOT celebrating Christmas!

The holidays can be a pretty depressing time of year for people that either don't have anyone to celebrate it with or that are already going through a rough patch. I mean , IT'S A FACT, Suicide rates go WAYYY UP!
 It's pretty sad, but understandable. I mean, being reminded of how lonely you truly are can't feel very good.
Not that my family really even celebrates Christmas but the dinner we have is on the 24th so comes the 25th, it doesn't even seem like christmas, especially when I didn't feel the christmas spirit to begin with. Therefore, what would be the perfect recipe for a boring as hell christmas evening?
yes, yes indeed.
I met up with Joshua, We were the perfect Anti-Christmas team; the Muslim and the Jew :P
We went to Korova, where we bumped into a few friends from different crews. 
I'd pick long island ice teas & tequila shots over egg nog ANY DAY!!!
"Here's to our Non Christmas, Cheers!!!"
Oh Joshua! Do I enjoy your company?  Yes, yes I do. You bring laughter back into my life & your sweet dance moves rock my world. I just remembered what we were dancing to & it was AWESOME!!! 
"I'm just a girl
Guess I'm some kind of freak 
'Cause they all sit and stare 
With their eyes 
I'm just a girl 
Take a good look at me 
Just your typical prototype 
Oh... I've had it up to here I 
Oh... am I making myself clear?"

While we were singing along, you made sure to always add the NOT when it was the I'm just a girl part. HILARIOUS!
I really enjoyed my night. I had heated discussions with 3 different people on Politics & Scientology. It's good to know that party goers are aware of what's going on around the world & are ALL  smarter than Tom Cruise. hahaha
On another note, the cute second singer from The Stills was there(the shorter one).
 Aw... he is so yummy. But what does one do when a guy is with his group of friends and a girl?
Their body language led me to believe that she might be his girlfriend, so I stayed away...
Why Did I have to go and be against home wrecking??!! 
99% of girls don't give a shit about the "girls got to stick together" code, so why do I?
*inner monologue* " I don't know , maybe; values, morals, belief in karma.."
Meh.... James then told me from an apparent "trust worthy source" that he (The Stills) had herpes so I guess I was better off??? 
Maybe that would have been my bad karma if I did go against my better judgment & good morals.

Good Job Camelia! Good job.
I thought it would be appropriate to play a Stills tune, because of last night but also because of it's title.... so here's their first single(he is the one playing drums in the video): Still in love song

Phil you are freaking awesome!!!!!
( I told you I would put it in somewhere)  THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID hahahaahahaahah

2$ chow mein was luckily open. I scarfed down peanut butter sauce noddles and a roll. It felt like heaven.
The owner gave me a water bottle for 25 cents since his sink wasn't working. sickkkk!!!
Then Joshua vanished, & I had no way of reaching phil so I ended taking a cab home. I had the nicest Bangoli cab driver. We had conversations about Islam, love, relationships, dreams, Gambling problems, Bangladesh & drinking.
Thankfully I wasn't too drunk & I was able to share my point of view on the different topics.

When I got home & heard foot steps, I was scared it was my mom again. She is always awake that woman & faking being sober IS getting easier but it's still not something I enjoy doing. It was only my sister fioooouuuu!!
Passing out to some Oc never felt better :) 

Here are a few snap shots of my "Non Christmas Night"

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Don't shoot me Santa CLaus

 Looks like this rain dear  needs a Christmukkah miracle!!!!
The awkwardness in my house is undeniable. I have my french grand parents and my moroccan family over. I cannot IMAGINE what they could possibly talk about?!?!?!?
We are celebrating my cousin's birthday which is tomorrow. He is a little 15 year old Jesus.
Tonight, Im going to meet someone at the greyhound station to give a few gifts and say goodbye.
I hope I'm strong enough

Seth Cohen, where are you when I need you?

"Jesus and Moses, both had beards"

here is my favorite christmas song this year :

I really despise being so attracted to Brendan Flowers

Tuesday, December 23, 2008


I don't know if its just because the song itself is such an aphrodisiac or the ones singing it just blow me away with the tone & pitch of their voices but just watch and enjoy... I sure will ;)

especially between 0:59 and 1:16 wow

I am left with a huge smile on my face and a puddle on the floor ha!

Friday, December 19, 2008

In Maxime Duval's honor

If you read my previous blog, you'll remember me mentioning my friend who died in a car accident because of a drunk driver. Well today I was just invited to join a group in his honor on facebook. It brought back many memories...

Maxime I miss you so much!!!!

We were best friends and I secretly liked you. I should have told you.... :(
You were so full of life, fearless and hilarious.  I only started accepting your death a few months back even if you left this earth 3 years ago.

Rest in peace my friend and I will see you again someday...
I hope you are happy 

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Holiday Season Blues

Hello, my name is Camelia & I can't find a reason to wake up in the morning. 
I've been waking up at 3pm  for as long as I can remember (since classes ended)
 So I got to thinking; Could be I suffering from the Holiday season blues?
Huge possibility.
I can't seem to recall  my last good Christmas and I mean REALLY GOOD CHRISTMAS, where you are overly exited because all your family is coming over(and you actually like them), tons of gifts are under the tree , christmas spirit is in the air, the house smells of delicious turkey, you are listening to Mariah Carey  and country singers playing Christmas covers while wearing a really pretty dress, your dad dresses up as Santa Claus & christmas movies are on every channel.
   Those were the REALLY GOOD CHRISTMASES.  Then I turned 12 and I was "too old" for this "kids stuff", so no more gifts, no more trees, no more Santa, no more cake, no more christmas movies or cute fluffy dresses. It just became a supper with a couple people from my moroccan side of the family who NEVER celebrated christmas and IT SUCKS. 
 3 years ago, I got a call on Christmas eve from my friend saying our friend got hit by a drunk driver and he died on impact since he broke his neck. This is never something you want to happen but if it happens on Christmas it kind of gives it a new meaning for the rest of your life. The next Christmas didnt happen.
 Last year, the closest thing I had to christmas was a quick meal with my friend mami and "the ex" at a greek restaurant in Vancouver (with a huge brace on my leg) , no snow and then we got on a plane back to montreal in the middle of the night.

All I wanted this Christmas was to cuddle next to the fireplace and watch a few movies while my dad would make sweet food. As of  10 days now I have no one to cuddle with.
What a bummer.
well since this is completely appropriate, the song for today is called 10 days, it's from my favorite female singer Missy Higgins.
"Well its been 10 days, without you in my reach, and the only time Ive touched you was in my sleep. Cuz baby time has changed, nothing at all. You're still the only one that feels like home.I try cutting the ropes, try to let you go, but you're still the only one that feels like home."

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Save the Cheerleader

The first time I heard this song, I thought it was horrible, but after getting over its pop and cheesiness I started to appreciated since it was RIGHT ON.
The lame version of what I think, The catchy, plays on the radio, 14 year old girls sing to it version of a song I would write.
here it is;

p.s: I never thought in a million years I would get a 2 week extension on the 10 economics journals I had to hand in to my teacher yesterday because Im BROKEN HEARTED.!!!
Oh ya, That teacher is amazing. He's the type that actually really cares about his students. I told him that I was planning on writing them all last weekend but my soon to be 2 year relationship ended & I was devastated (true, true and true) & if it would be possible for me to have maybe 2 days extra but he gave me 2 WEEKS and told me that every life had rough spells and he was sorry about my temporary troubles.(wonder when that temporary will end)
 Some men care... wow... weird feeling... it's as if Im in a parallel universe or something.

Oh also, whenever I start to get really down watching either of those helps a lot

not only is it catchy and I can relate but I'm a bad bad girl and think Joe and Nick are so adorable!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Pink suede elephant in the room

For a little over a week now,

I found myself thinking:" You are a brave,good, intelligent, beautiful,loyal, hilarious, independent woman & you do NOT need a man's love to validate your life!
I know I should listen to myself but knowing what you are and having someone forget all the great things about you & so easily leave you behind sorta puts a damp on the whole thing. 

You think;wait a minute, I'm not good enough for HIM!!!!??? 
And then start doubting yourself.(its a horrible thing women should never do to themselves.) 
When did giving up on love become so easy?
Where did all the sparks go?

All these memories are flashing back in my head, old feelings reappear for an instant in my heart & butterflies multiply in my stomach; but I shut them down, I need to kill those butterflies for being the 1/2 that feels them is useless and painful.

"Some people are settling down, others settle but some people won't settle for anything less then...butterflies"
I don't want to settle for anything less, Im too young to just accept being "appreciated" or "cared for".
Will it come back? Will I find it with someone else? Or is there no more ZSA ZSA ZSU in store for me?
p.s: I'm going to my good friend's wedding on saturday and I don't have a date.
 "Why does no +1 feels like it adds up to zero?" -Carrie Bradshaw

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Fuck you STM of my balls!

Well I beg to differ. Can you tell me WTF is "new" every year that makes buses STILL not be able to be ON TIME in the winter?!??!?
The rest of the year you can more or less count on the fact that your bus ill be a couple minutes early or late but waiting AN HOUR AND A HALF for a bus??? Having buses just NOT SHOWING UP.....

thats BULL, the roads are fucking clear but still STM is the most horrible "moyen de transport" there is.


I was crying of pain on thursday because I was waiting for over 30 minutes and I couldnt feel my feet anymore. The woman at the bus stop told us that she had been waiting 30 min BEFORE us so she had been standing there for an HOUR (while 3 buses should have passed during that period of time)


fucking Quebec man....WE'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING!

which made me think of's to you Aleasha :

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

I now understand...

I went to the movies with Stefanie & my sister last night. They were trying to cheer me up and keep me occupied but at first I thought it would be a bad idea since they wanted to watch Twilight and its a romance. I ended up going anyway, it didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. Probably due to the fact that it is too good to be true. Not even because it's a movie with vampires which makes it impossible to actually happen but because guys like that just don't exist.
I now understand the whole Robert Pattinsson mania, (Aleasha wait before you freak out lol). It's not because he is the new hot thing because in "real life" he is really not actually that attractive, if he wasn't an actor, none of the crazy obsessed girls would even look twice(unless like me they become powerless when men have a uk or australian accent). It's because of the fantasy of having a man completely overprotective(not in a creepy way) of you. Someone that will save you, protect you, that's mysterious strange, and sexy but seems to be captivated by you because you are one in a million, because he has always be waiting for YOU.

Someone that will do anything to keep you safe and doesn't have the strength to stay away from you anymore, someone who says: you are my life now, you and I will leave, go somewhere together and I'll make sure that nothing ever happens to you.
Every girl wants to be someone's Bella.

That's why girls all fell in love with Robert Pattinsson, they have forgotten that he is not Edward. They are mistaking their desire for the fantasy of being madly in love with somebody that would die for you with the person that plays that character.

I don't see why anyone should settle for anything less. Which is a vicious circle for I have never met a man who would be my Edward.
I would have been someone's Bella (became a "vampire" just to be with the one I loved always&forever) if only I was given the chance to...

Monday, December 8, 2008

broken heart, in the city

I wrote this about a week and a half ago. I was told that I was wrong. Unfortunally, I wasn't;

I am feeling angry, sad, overwhelmed , disrespected, unimportant, irrelevant, “unspecial”, and I dispise the fact that even if I would say its over and leave, you wouldnt even stop me. you wouldnt even say I was the love of your life and would do anything to keep me. you wouldnt even take me by the hand , look into my eyes and say i was the most beautiful thing you had ever seen. it wouldnt make a difference, it wouldnt change a thing... prove me wrong I beg of you..

.....And he never did

...You gotta rest that broken leg and just be glad its not a broken heart, a broken heart in the city. cuz a broken heart is never pretty...

Well Hawksley Workman, what do you do when you have a broken heart and a broken leg in the city? 

It might seem to be a pattern but I think NYC is the solution to my problem

Sunday, December 7, 2008

don't panic

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Im really tired of feeling like being the least bit considerate with me is too much to ask for?
   How much does it cost to get factored in by your "other half"?
Seems to be a big deal for someone...

I feel quite lonely.

this image represents perfectly how I feel right now.
and those words are the inner dialogues I have :

Shoreline water breaking fast
In New 
York city, low on cash
Another week and youll be back
And youll be saying home at last
But dont act broken
Even when youre broken

Its just one of those things
Thank god youre timeless
Cause my watch got stolen
Its the good stuff that you bring
Dont be crushed

This city will always bug you 
I know for me it does the same
Its pretty I suppose from inside a plane
Thats heading for another place
So wave and blow me one more 
Youre a dead-eye baby
You never miss
Theres not much else as sweet as this
I waved so hard I broke my wrist
But dont act broken
Even when youre broken

Dont be crushed

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Friday Night Lights

So, my first blog post. Well hello everybody, how are you doing on this fine cold december evening? I should be studying for sunday's 9am final but I have had enough. I've been reading for today's final for days and my brain needs a break. I'm feeling a little light for I have been inhaling a sweet Brazilian rolled marijuana cigarette (it was rolled by my Brazilian friend).

I find it odd, im sitting in kent's living room and they are 5 guys just watching one play resident evil while drinking and smoking weed. I don't see how that is amusing in any way.

I started watching Friday Night lights last week, I'm not so sure if I'm really getting into it but one thing is for sure. The football accident that made one of the main guys become quadriplegic made me ball my eyes out. Not all of you know but my knee injury could be considered a football injury so to think that I also could have fucked up my spine instead of my knee just made me realise how lucky I was and how close I was to possibly be paralyzed. Thank god I had a huge purse on my hip because it protected me and everything inside of it exploded instead of my bones.

On the 18th I have to call the hospital for the millionth time and I will finally have the date of my surgery. I know it will probably in the first week of january. I gotta tell ya Im pretty scared. Planning to be disabled again is just weird. I dont want to not be able to bend my knee again, not being able to walk or do anything. I'll have to spend my days at home, I'll start depressing and I'll get fat. My goal is to write an album during those months. So if possible to often ask about it, it would be a great way to force me to actually do it.

P.s: I use to be pretty closed minded when it came to french music.. I guess cuz all I heard was the shit that played on the radio, but I had the chance to discover this Parisian band called BB BRUNES. They are somewhat a french version of : Arctic Monkeys/The clash/ The Libertines... I've been listening to them every single day all summer and FINALLY they came to Montreal about a month ago. It was one of the BEST ROCK SHOW I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE. They rock the FUCK out!
and lucky me, got to meet them afterward...

Oh Adrian:
On s'est loupé de peu je crois
je ne comprends pas
pour nous deux c'est terminé
pour nous deux rien ne va
j'avais tellement envie de toi
tu ne comprends pas
je ne comprends pas