Friday, December 18, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Maybe if I don't move, that crazy Bitch will go away.
Liam a.k.a Maggot man!
18 year old BlueBell
People definitely DON'T mistake him as my child when we go out!
Sunday, November 15, 2009
I was greeted by Andrea, she had a paper with CAMELIA written on it. It was very sweet. It felt like things were turning around. She was very friendly, it felt like we knew each other already. We had skyped twice and spoke over the phone a couple times but our previous communication mostly consisted of emails which is why it surprised me that we both felt so comfortable with each other right away. When I arrived at the house Mark (the husband) and Liam were already outside welcoming me into their home. Its a little scary to think that's it, I have a responsibility towards that family now, I can't flake. this is for real. They are counting on me, and taking me into their home, trusting me with their children, I can't disappoint them...
Annndddddd I already disappointed them. This is a recurrent problem with me people seem to think I'm not motivated or enthusiastic enough about things. I think I just have a hard time showing my enthusiasm or I can't fake how I feel. As much as I love taking care of kids, being jet lagged and exhausted took over. I really think they should forgive how not on the ball I was for my first 4 days here. I DID cross the Atlantic after all. It's not like this job was in Laval instead of Montreal, it's in London England!! A country I have never been to before. Where I don't know a soul & miss my family & friends.
On a different note, I went for drinks tonight (saturday the 14th) with a friend of a friend I had on facebook for 2 years but never spoke to until a few weeks before I moved. I am glad we really got along & it was fun. we bar hopped a little bit & I got to see 2 guys fall flat on their backs in the middle of the street and piss themselves without being able to get up from how shitfaced they were. It was pretty intense! I also made a discovery I will post in my next entry because I absolutely NEED to attach a picture with it. I was speechless. The cab driver thought I was crazy & asked me why I was taking a picture of a certain something. Unfortunately my bluetooth doesnt work here and I dont have a usb cable for my phone so it's impossible for me to post it. But I'll ask Amity (my new friend) to take a picture tomorrow when we go to Camdon. It's the funky/music area of london sort of like Kensington market. I CAN'T WAIT!!
nighty night everyone. It is 5:50 am here.
I miss you very much
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
I fuck up some lyrics, he messes up a couple chords, we start laughing but this is just organic awesomeness so I thought I'd share it with you.
to be able to listen to it you need Windows Media Player.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
- Ppl touching the food on my plate. Just assuming they can taste. I DO NOT SHARE FOOD!!!!!!!! You WILL get stabbed with a fork in your hand.
- Ppl who make noise when they eat/eat with their mouth open!!!!!!!!
- Ppl who interrupt others while they are talking.
- Ppl who have a know it all attitude & respond condescendingly.
- Ppl who have God complexes/attention whores.
- Ppl who whine asking for advice then don't listen & keep on whining for having no solution.
- Ppl who mention names of ppl you don't know when telling you a story you don't care about, assuming it means something to you or helps you understand.
- Ppl who are way too conventional, goodie 2 shoes, too religious, who cant live w/ rules
- "Friends" who go after a person you like, are dating or dated & doesn't care that it hurts.
- "Friends" who think they can shotgun someone that you saw at the same time.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
On the other hand, in your 20s, that’s when you try to “find” yourself, realize what it is you want to do as a career/9-5 for most people. It’s also the time when people get into serious relationships, with the idea in mind that that person might be the one they will end up with. As a woman who has had 2 serious relationships (between 18 and 22), I know that most of the time, when you get into a relationship it’s because you think, at least a little, that the person you are with might be the one, whatever that means. All I’m saying is that as the years pass, when you are in your 20s, the possibility of your partner becoming your husband or wife increases since people don’t want to get into relationships they don’t think are “worth it” anymore. The 20s are your last time “for fun”, being reckless, therefore, instead of dating wildly inappropriately, people stay single until they find someone they are willing to marry. Which is why getting out of a serious relationship is especially hard right now. You thought that person was going to be the one you would marry. That guy you dreamt of as a little girl. You already pictured yourself walking down the aisle with him looking at you. He had the biggest smile on his face, because he thought he was the luckiest man on earth for getting to spend the rest of his life with you.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Today, one of my best friend's step father's body was found in the St-laurent river after being missing since friday sept. 11 afternoon, the day after my grand father's burial.I feel like I'm floating in this completely FUCKED UP WORLD where it can all go to shits in an instant. I'm not even depressed or pessimistic, I still believe that life has an incredible amount of great things in store for me. I just wonder when it's all going to turn around. I'm aware that I have to make things happen for myself but with all these events, it's just quite hard to focus on other things. I just wish I could stop losing people I love, at least for a little while.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
I have joined this website called helpx.net where I c an see profile of families asking for help either at home, at their farms, B&Bs etc. I checked out england, ireland scotland and australia. Not sure where Ill end up, it depends on the families I guess. It's going to be insane! Anyone who wants to come with me, please grow the balls and do it. most of these places ask for more than one person. They give you a room and food everyday, some also pay. so if you have money for the flight, just pack up and LEAVE WITH ME! It's going to be a sick opportunity and girls, C'mon! british boys with sexy accents? Damn, how can you resist? Im going there to find my faithful Jude Law. Boys, there are going to be tons of girls loving your foreign accent, you know you want to be that guy. The one who is only staying there for a while so girls fall in love since its impossible and he gets laid repeatedly.
Anyway, just a thought, Im doing it, I just like the possibility of inspiring people
take care kiddies
Monday, August 10, 2009
As you can see, I need help, directions, because pretty soon, it`ll be me- a hat- a beer- all those countries(or cities) in the hat-a witness- a blink 182 song and THAT IS IT!
God, please help me make the best decision for me and what I am looking for ok?
Oh also God, If you could throw in a couple amazing sexy time sessions in the near future, much appreciated!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Ever since I can remember, I've dreamt of being an actress and a singer/songwriter. I am AWARE that a lot of people have the same dream. I am also aware that it's REALLY hard to make it, but can you tell me why in the WORLD I would pick a job that's easy to do/get that I DON'T want to do? Financial security? Don't worry about me I'll be fine. I can have a normal job as I pursue my dreams and if all else fails, I can finish school and get another good job. Any who, I am straying from my main topic, I have SUCH a deep passion for acting, singing and writing that I cannot picture myself doing ANYTHING ELSE. As a little girl, I would write songs and perform in front of my family, I'd make plays and always be the lead role. I remember watching the little mermaid over and over just to remember the words and act it out. It's just always been part of me, not for the fame and fortune but just for the rush I felt whenever I would play another character. It utterly terrifies me but it's also the most liberating feeling, to just be someone else. It's a totally different kind of terrifying when I write songs or when I perform in front of people. So far, I can count on one hand the amount of people who heard songs that I wrote, because the thought of them knowing exactly how I feel and judging me scares the SHIT out of me! It makes me feel completely naked & it usually takes me a couple drinks for either to happen! I just finished reading this article about a certain actor who said that he considers himself as very shy but people around him don't see it and he realized that like really obviously good looking people who use to be chubby, they still see themselves, as the way they were when they were younger. It makes a lot of sense, because whenever I tell people I'm shy, they look at me like they don't know what I'm talking about since I'm very sociable and out spoken, but the little girl in me is still there and she blushes easily, hates public speaking & just wants people to accept her for who she is. I just came back from California, I finally went to Disney Land after 23 years of waiting. I loved it! It only confirmed how much I want to act. How else will I be able to play and be in different worlds without either going to Disney every single day or acting?! Exactly! I bought 2 books for myself. One is called the Power of the Actor. I started reading it in Vancouver but had to fly back home and it wasn't mine. It was a great book. The other one is called Auditioning an actor friendly guide. The woman who wrote it was an actress AND a casting agent, so she knows the two sides of the auditioning process, which is a HUGE PLUS!! The major reason why I never truly pursued acting was because of the audition. Just the thought of having people watching me and me having to give it my all without actually having someone to act WITH, made me want to vomit. Whenever I see people auditioning in movies or on shows, I get SO nervous for them. My favorite part of watching movies is to watch the behind the scenes, I love seeing how they shot some scenes and why they picked the actors etc. I picture myself as the lead girl and the director talking about me. I was just watching Rachel McAdams' screen test and I felt SO nervous for her, I wanted her to nail it you know? and of course she did since she is in the notebook, but I was putting myself in her shoes and just imagining how I would have done it and if I would have been able to let all my emotions come out like she did. It was very intense, but it also clarified why I deserve to let myself do this. This is my true love, it's real, and I should not give up on it, this one is for life, for better or for worse!
Now watch me GO!
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
- Get knee to bend to 115 degrees in the next 2 days so I can start going on the bike :)
- Plan my trip to Vegas
- Get more pain killers
- Fill out my Med application
- Soak up the sun so I don't look like a Ghost when I get to L.A
- Continue Learning Japanese
- Finish at least 4 songs and record them as an E.P
- Cough get laid Cough
- Bikini shopping
- Get a bag pack & choose carefully the clothes I will bring to Vancouver.
- Master the Pimp look with my cane.
- Cut my hair
Thursday, April 23, 2009
I agree with that choice as well. It left everybody so pumped!!
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Monday, April 6, 2009
What's up with everybody being depressive, whiney, and annoying as HELL with how much they hate their lives?!?!?! Jeez people, do you have any idea how lucky most of you are? Inform yourselves with what is going on around the world, you'll soon realize that your "problems" are insignificant and so are you if you don't SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET OVER YOURSELVES!!!!
I use to complain a lot and see myself as a victim, I'm not gonna lie, but THANK GOD, I got over that and I have never felt BETTER. I wish people would also understand that the key to "happiness" is to just accept things as they are, do your best, and stop trying to control things that are OUT of your control. Buddhist philosophies are a tremendous help for insane self-centered people a.k.a 99% of the population. It brought me from my old "stress ball dying of a heart attack at 25 self" to new " Chill dude, it's going to be all good. Everything happens for a reason self". I'm not saying that everyone should become buddhists. But reading their philosophies can give one the chance to learn about common sense ways of living life. Sometimes all you need is a little push.
Relax people, have a drink and do whatever it is you want to do because everything will be alright. There is nothing you CAN'T handle. It can be tough, painful and scary but acting like it's the end of the world every time there is a little bump on the road is not the right way to live and it won't get you ANYWHERE, trust me. I will be really lame and quote the author of " Excuse me, your life is waiting" Lynn Grabhorn: " We, humans, have an electrochemical currency running through us, which is affected by our emotions. When you are feeling happy or joyful, that current or energy, vibrates at a higher frequency than when you are feeling sad or angry. When you're vibrating at a high frequency, you're more likely to attract happy people, than when you vibrate at a low, sad frequency. It's the law of attraction in physics."
Basically, when you are having a pity party, all you are doing, is attracting more people that are as depressed as you and creating negative situations in your life. Ever since I got over all that, I have allowed so many great people into my life, let all the bad ones go & opportunities have been knocking on my door non stop. I truly believe in visualization. Sometimes, I just close my eyes and picture what I want my life to be. By picturing it, I create the emotions I would feel if it was actually going on and with my feelings, I ATTRACT these situations, events, these OPPORTUNITIES.
You should get on that!
p.s: In 2004 Lynn Grabhorn flew to Europe to have an assisted suicide due to an illness. Don't let that stop you from reading her book though. It's a great book but she was sick and thought that her job here was done. It doesn't mean that she didn't know what she was talking about.
Friday, March 27, 2009
- Approx from May 22 to May 26 Depending on my flying partner, go from Montreal or Toronto to Vancouver and road trip to Washington for the Sasquatch Festival
- End of June quick trip to New York to visit apartments & hang with the future roomies (Veronica & Gabby)
- July 1st to July 14th L.A trip with Stefanie Rosales. We have been planning this for over 4 years.
- August or September, moving to New York city. (Again, this is 80% sure)
Monday, March 23, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
My little cocktail. I have to take it every 4 hours
Some of the bruises I got from the injections
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
(trick to make sure they wont operate on the wrong knee in my case)
I was in the hospital from March 12th 6:30 am to March 13th 8 pm.
I was suppose to stay another night but I begged to leave, I couldn't take it anymore. Sharing a room with a 76 year old half senile woman with Alzheimer was funny at times but I mostly was just losing my shit.
It might be difficult to be coherent & even finish this blog from all the drugs I have taken today. They make me really drowsy but I NEED them to survive!!!
In my last blog, I wrote that my surgery was going to take 90 minutes.
As I was on my way to the operation room, they told me that it was a 3 hour surgery and that they were going to keep me for a few days. I went into a panic. Why did everyone tell me different informations, I thought I was going to leave a few hours after surgery??? How was I suppose to tell my parents now that I would be HOSPITALIZED?? WHO WOULD REACH THEM FOR ME!!!??
Since it was a longer surgery, it meant that the amount of pain I was going to be in after I woke up, would be a lot greater than expected. Therefore, before putting me to sleep, I was injected REALLY close to my crotch on my “hip” to relax my leg(half of my woo woo was uncovered and all the people present in the room were hot men in their late 20s, I didn’t know what to do with myself.) Then, they did what they call a “Bloc”. First, they use an ultrasound scan on the inside of my thigh, where they showed me my muscles etc and THEN, they shoved a really thick, hollow and long needle (thats what she said) 9 cm deep in my thigh. Let me just say, that shot they gave me in the hip right before is probably the only thing that stopped me from ripping out that needle and stab one of the anesthetists in the eye! Every time they pushed it burned and burned more. I was getting STABBED in the leg. There’s no other way to put it. The whole point behind that, was to put a wire through that big ass needle 9 cm deep inside of me (in other circumstances it would NOT be a bad thing ;) ) , plug it to an I.V and the liquid would freeze my leg, so I wouldn’t feel as much pain while I was at the hospital. There was one more step to go through before going inside the operation room.
One of the guys there: Wine? Martini?
Me: Double Scotch on the Rocks please.
That’s what they were calling the injections they were going to give me since I was a little nervous. A really high dosage of some kind of drug. I loved it. I ended up also having a “tequila shot”. 5 seconds later, I was floating on a cloud and hitting on my anesthetist with my eyes, he was flirting back, is that professional? Don’t think so but DON’T MIND. (Him: Don’t worry, I’ll be in the next room with you, I’ll make sure you are fine. Then winking at me) Nice! :P
When we got to the operation room, I didn’t even have time to see my Foxy Surgeon because I was injected right away to fall asleep. I don’t remember how it happened, but my arms were tied up like Jesus and then I woke up in the “salle de reveille” where my “DILF” surgeon was caressing my hair saying my name. He said it went really well and that we would see each other soon. I think I may have passed out mid- sentence. A really cute mother type nurse gave me at least 3 morphine injections before rolling me down to my room.
The woman I shared the room with kept on talking to herself and taking the phone to call her house to speak to her husband who died years ago. It was a little sad. I hope to never get to that point. It’s so weird because one minute she would be COMPLETELY senile and the next give me advice on life and it would totally make sense.
For the next 30 hours, I was lying on this hospital bed, plugged to an I.V on my hand and my hip, with a nurse checking my pulse, oxygen & blood pressure every hour. I again had to pee in a bowl they would put under my bum. You have no dignity left after you leave a hospital. I'm just glad I was able to wipe myself and i didn't have to take a dump. But a LOT of people saw my butt there. It's better than an old butt I'm sure haha. It’s not a myth, hospital food IS that gross. It’s probably the reason why, as I was cleaning my self up (bowl of soapy water with a cloth style), I vomited. :/
When it was about time for me to leave, one of my many nurses told me that she had to teach me how to shot myself in the stomach first. Yes I do mean injecting by shooting, it just doesn’t have the same impact. Since a tendon was implanted in my knee to act as a PCL, it could create blood clot. The injections thin out my blood. I have done it 4 times so far. For the people who know me really well, yes it is one of the worse things anyone could ask me to do but I knew that this time, there was no place for fear (haha).
I have a little over a week of stomach injections to do. If anyone is interested to come and see. I do it everyday at 2 pm.
I took out my bandages on sunday & was frightened with what I saw. I just thought I’d share my experience with y’all.
As you can see, there are only 4 ligaments holding your knee together I have 3 out of 4 that are torn. Luckily my MCL will heal on his own. Now we just fixed my PCL which will take at least 6 months to be at it's best & then depending on me & my Doctor, I might get another surgery to fix my ACL.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
- The cross streets Pender and Abbott will be remembered by me & a few for a really really long time.
Most Humans are programmed to think that tragic things wont never happen to them.
Let me tell you one thing, Mami, Naomi and I sure didn't think that crossing the street on a green light would get us all simultaneously hit by an SUV. I will write what happened in more details later but I think im going to nap now. too much effort
[Now December 9th, a month later]
So basically we all got hit and went flying in different directions on the street. I thought Mami was dead or dying, I couldnt get up, was twitching and heard naomi crying. then the bitch that hit us started yelling at me for jaywalking when I didnt and i remember the cops coming and the ambulances. I also was able with some superhero strenght to call Kent and let him know we got hit. I told the paramedic I didnt want to go in the ambulance because I couldnt afford it and the first thing I said when they put me on the strecher was: oh god I sure wish I would have shaved my legs. ahahhahahah yup. for some reason my sens of humor came out when I was in shock. When we got to the hospital and the police officer came in to see how I was I answered; just chilling, you? As I was on a hospital bed w a neckbrace and plugged to an IV. Jeez Im such a comedian! :P
We stayed in the hospital for about 12 hours. I had to pee 4 times on a lil bowl the nurse had to place under my ass as I was lying down.... it SUCKED and was COMPLICATED! Also having a concussion sucked cuz it made me pull an exorcist (barf) infront of kent and I probably looked and sounded horrible!!!!!
Mami and I are going to need a surgery because we tore our ACL(doesnt heal ever) and MCL ligaments around our left knee. I can't sleep at night from the pain and I have physical anxiety which is not cool but at least I scored some valium! Im broke as fuck and I cant wait to get back home cuz I aint doing shit here. This trip turned out a little different than what I imagined but ; what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger right? I shall be harder faster better stronger then!
To all you folks out there, be strong. Things work out.
& now goodnight and Goodluck(about 9 months later I found out I also had a torn PCL, click on this link and read what they say about MCL, PCL AND ACL injuries) It just hurts so much to see the words; stretched & twisted
Thursday, February 26, 2009
(Veronica left and Gabby at my right)
Anyway here are a few things I'm missing already:
Drinking Mimosas in the morning
The Dinner boxes from the amazing Japanese resto in Queens for 15$
My crazy adventures in those shoes
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
I just returned from a 10 day trip in New York City. I was just suppose to stay the weekend. Only sleep 2 or 3 nights there but my host, Eddie McCall told me I really had no reason to leave so soon, especially that it was fashion week. I made SO many great friends AND so many GRRR-EATT networking connections (acting wise).
Ill make a brand new start of it - in old new york
If I can make it there, Ill make it anywhere
Its up to you - new york, new york
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
That's right, Emile Hirsch. Then some girl came and looked angry so he said goodbye and left.
He was SO handsome & SO nice. Eddie told me :ouuuuuu so he liked you!!
Too bad that bitch was there ;)
oh well, tonight I'm hanging out with Marc Jacob's ex boyfriend. Random? yes. Awesome? most certainly