Excuse me, your life is waiting!

What's up with everybody being depressive, whiney, and annoying as HELL with how much they hate their lives?!?!?! Jeez people, do you have any idea how lucky most of you are? Inform yourselves with what is going on around the world, you'll soon realize that your "problems"  are insignificant and so are you if you don't SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET OVER YOURSELVES!!!!

I use to complain a lot and see myself as a victim, I'm not gonna lie, but THANK GOD, I got over that and I have never felt BETTER.  I wish people would also understand that the key to "happiness" is to just accept things as they are, do your best, and stop trying to control things that are OUT of your control. Buddhist philosophies are a tremendous help for insane self-centered people a.k.a 99% of the population. It brought me from my old "stress ball dying of a heart attack at 25 self" to new " Chill dude, it's going to be all good. Everything happens for a reason self". I'm not saying that everyone should become buddhists. But reading their philosophies can give one the chance to learn about common sense ways of living life. Sometimes all you need is a little push.

Relax people, have a drink and do whatever it is you want to do because everything will be alright. There is nothing you CAN'T handle. It can be tough, painful and scary but acting like it's the end of the world every time there is a little bump on the road is not the right way to live and it won't get you ANYWHERE, trust me. I will be really lame and quote the author of " Excuse me, your life is waiting" Lynn Grabhorn: " We, humans, have an electrochemical currency running through us, which is affected by our emotions. When you are feeling happy or joyful, that current or energy, vibrates at a higher frequency than when you are feeling sad or angry. When you're vibrating at a high frequency, you're more likely to attract happy people, than when you vibrate at a low, sad frequency. It's the law of attraction in physics." 

Basically, when you are having a pity party, all you are doing, is attracting more people that are as depressed as you and creating negative situations in your life. Ever since I got over all that, I have allowed so many great people into my life, let all the bad ones go & opportunities have been knocking on my door non stop. I truly believe in visualization. Sometimes, I just close my eyes and picture what I want my life to be. By picturing it, I create the emotions I would feel if it was actually going on and with my feelings, I ATTRACT these situations, events, these OPPORTUNITIES. 

The way we think...
...causes the way we feel. . .
...and the way we feel. . .
...causes the way we vibrate
...and the way we vibrate. . .
...IS HOW WE ATTRACT!!

You should get on that!

p.s: In 2004 Lynn Grabhorn flew to Europe to have an assisted suicide due to an illness. Don't let that stop you from reading her book though. It's a great book but she was sick and thought that her job here was done. It doesn't mean that she didn't know what she was talking about.

Where is Walmelia?

I've got the itch. As soon as I'm back home for about a month, I have to plan my next trip. I have quite a few in store for the next 5 months. Being in bed for now 2 whole weeks doesn't help the need to get THE FUCK OUT!

Budget Camelia, BUDGET!!!

Here is my list of places I will go to before the end of the summer:

• Approx from May 22 to May 26 Depending on my flying partner, go from Montreal or Toronto to Vancouver and road trip to Washington for the Sasquatch Festival
• End of June quick trip to New York to visit apartments & hang with the future roomies (Veronica & Gabby)
• July 1st to July 14th L.A trip with Stefanie Rosales. We have been planning this for over 4 years.
  
• August or September, moving to New York city. (Again, this is 80% sure)
  

 This is not a DEFINITE plan but it's going to look something like that. 

I seriously think God purposely got me injured because I just move around too much and he knows the only way to keep me in place is to blow out my knee for me not to walk anymore.

Is it because its wrong & bad & we shouldn't?

This clip, LITERALLY hurt me.

Why? You may ask.

Because of how badly I want this. 

The sexual tension. 

Knowing that it probably should not happen,

But wanting it with every inch of your body.

My Fantasy, what I am currently Craving!

I want a man to just TAKE me. 

No, correction, I NEED a man to take me like this.

In the heat of the moment.

Oh sweet Jesus!!!

(It'll have to wait til my leg is all better unfortunately ... Dammit)

Rocky Balboa

Tomorrow in the early afternoon, a nurse will come to my house to take the staples out of my leg. When the receptionist at the CLSC called to make the appointment, I was told she would try to convince me to go to the CLSC instead of having a nurse come "all the way" to my house. She in fact did by saying: well, it will be 10 days on monday since your surgery which means you probably can travel pretty well on crutches. Why don't you come to the CLSC?

 I am still proud of my response:" Miss, the only place I travel to with my crutches is from my bed, to the bathroom." ;) Yes, I do think I'm cool, but that's only because... I am.

 

For the past 10 days, I have been lying in bed trying to sleep but barely doing so for my pain killers are not GUILTY! Oh nooooooo, they ain't killing no pain. What's the big deal with people and oxycodon?? It's 10 steps down from having morphine injected in your arms. Aw, sweet apothecary, I miss the way it feels when you fill up my veins with your sweet morphine nectar of love that gets rid of all the pain and hurt in the world. You took me by the hand, injected my serum into the I.V and suddenly I was floating on clouds as peaceful & enlightened as Buddha. Oxycodon only feels like my head is underwater (which is pretty cool), but then I can't handle at any bright lights. I hate the fact that I can't just refill my pills. Im almost out but usually Doctors are not allowed to prescribe Oxycodon twice since too many people get addicted or sell it to addicts. There is no way in HELL I'll get addicted to that shit, AND I want something WAY stronger  that will actually help decrease the:burning, pulling, stitch ripping and bone stabbing the inside of my ankle sensations. hahaha 

FUCK BUREAUCRACY!!!

Tomorrow is the last Injection of Lovenox (anti-coagulant) in the stomach day. Wonder what song I'll listen to this time. So far, it's been: Eye of the tiger, Final countdown and the Rocky Balboa jogging and practicing for his fights song. Yes, when its time for me to shove the syringe  in my stomach, my trick not to puss out is to put on songs that are suppose to inspire people such as Rocky to push their own limits and reach their goals. In my case, I despise needles and having to inject myself never even CROSSED my mind. It's actually the #1 reason why I never considered trying Heroin. #2 is becoming a crazy addict and ruining my life.

Since I knew there was no way out of this one, I just had to be Rocky.

My little cocktail. I have to take it every 4 hours

Unused Syringe

Used syringe

Some of the bruises I got from the injections

I feel like...Jason Street

Pre-Op pic
(trick to make sure they wont operate on the wrong knee in my case)

I was in the hospital from March 12th 6:30 am to March 13th 8 pm. 

I was suppose to stay another night but I begged to leave, I couldn't take it anymore. Sharing a room with a 76 year old half senile woman with Alzheimer  was funny at times but I mostly was just losing my shit.

It might be difficult to be coherent & even finish this blog from all the drugs I have taken today. They make me really drowsy but I NEED them to survive!!! 

In my last blog, I wrote that my surgery was going to take 90 minutes. 

FALSE!

As I was on my way to the operation room, they told me that it was a 3 hour surgery and that they were going to keep me for a few days. I went into a panic. Why did everyone tell me different informations, I thought I was going to leave a few hours after surgery??? How was I suppose to tell my parents now that I would be HOSPITALIZED?? WHO WOULD REACH THEM FOR ME!!!??

Since it was a longer surgery, it meant that the amount of pain I was going to be in after I woke up, would be a lot greater than expected. Therefore, before putting me to sleep, I was injected REALLY close to my crotch on my “hip” to relax my leg(half of my woo woo was uncovered and all the people present in the room were hot men in their late 20s, I didn’t know what to do with myself.) Then, they did what they call a “Bloc”. First, they use an ultrasound scan on the inside of my thigh, where they showed me my muscles etc and THEN, they shoved a really thick, hollow and long needle (thats what she said) 9 cm deep in my thigh. Let me just say, that shot they gave me in the hip right before is probably the only thing that stopped me from ripping out that needle and stab one of the anesthetists  in the eye! Every time they pushed it burned and burned more. I was getting STABBED in the leg. There’s no other way to put it. The whole point behind that, was to put a wire through that big ass needle 9 cm deep inside of me (in other circumstances it would NOT  be a bad thing ;) ) , plug it to an I.V and the liquid would freeze my leg, so I wouldn’t feel as much pain while I was at the hospital. There was one more step to go through before going inside the operation room.

One of the guys there: Wine? Martini?

Me: Double Scotch on the Rocks please.

That’s what they were calling the injections they were going to give me since I was a little nervous. A really high dosage of some kind of drug. I loved it. I ended up also having a “tequila shot”. 5 seconds later, I was floating on a cloud and hitting on my anesthetist with my eyes, he was flirting back, is that professional? Don’t think so but DON’T MIND. (Him: Don’t worry, I’ll be in the next room with you, I’ll make sure you are fine. Then winking at me) Nice! :P

When we got to the operation room, I didn’t even have time to see my Foxy Surgeon because I was injected right away to fall asleep. I don’t remember how it happened, but my arms were tied up like Jesus and then I woke up in the “salle de reveille” where my “DILF” surgeon was caressing my hair saying my name. He said it went really well and that we would see each other soon. I think I may have passed out mid- sentence.  A really cute mother type nurse gave me at least 3 morphine injections before rolling me down to my room.

The woman I shared the room with kept on talking to herself and taking the phone to call her house to speak to her husband who died years ago. It was a little sad. I hope to never get to that point. It’s so weird because one minute she would be COMPLETELY senile and the next give me advice on life and it would totally make sense.

For the next 30 hours, I was lying on this hospital bed, plugged to an I.V on my hand and my hip, with a nurse checking my pulse, oxygen & blood pressure every hour. I again had to pee in a bowl they would put under my bum. You have no dignity left after you leave a hospital. I'm just glad I was able to wipe myself and i didn't have to take a dump. But a LOT of people saw my butt there. It's better than an old butt I'm sure haha. It’s not a myth, hospital food IS  that gross. It’s probably the reason why, as I was cleaning my self up (bowl of soapy water with a cloth style), I vomited. :/

When it was about time for me to leave, one of my many nurses told me that she had to teach me how to shot myself in the stomach first. Yes I do mean injecting by shooting, it just doesn’t have the same impact. Since a tendon was implanted in my knee to act as a PCL, it could create blood clot. The injections thin out my blood. I have done it 4 times so far. For the people who know me really well, yes it is one of the worse things anyone could ask me to do but I knew that this time, there was no place for fear (haha).

I have a little over a week of stomach injections to do. If anyone is interested to come and see. I do it everyday at 2 pm.

I took out my bandages on sunday & was frightened with what I saw. I just thought I’d share my experience with y’all.

As you can see, there are only 4 ligaments holding your knee together I have 3 out of 4 that are torn. Luckily my MCL will heal on his own. Now we just fixed my PCL which will take at least 6 months to be at it's best & then depending on me & my Doctor, I might get another surgery to fix my ACL.

(You can click on the pics to make them Bigger)

there are more stitches but to the side.

Now look at my Pre-Op pic again. How tiny and pretty my left knee use to be :(
The Yellow is just a product to disinfect my wounds

Now, LA PIECE DE RESISTANCE

One day away...

Tomorrow I will get to the hospital at 6:30 am. I don't know exactly what I will have to do before I get in the operation room, but surgery should start by 9 am. My surgeon will implant the Post cruciate Ligament (PCL) of a deceased person into my left knee for mine is torn and prevents me from: running, dancing, jumping and EVER SURFING (which has been a dream of mine for as long as I can remember).

The operation lasts about an hour and a half, therefore I will be going under general anesthesia 

state of total unconsciousness resulting from general anaesthetic drugs. A variety of drugs are given to the patient that have different effects with the overall aim of ensuring unconsciousness, amnesia and analgesia.

After the operation I will probably stay in the recovery room for a few hours as the drugs wear off and I slowly regain consciousness. I will be given morphine for the pain and let's just say, I'm a little TOO excited to be on it since I still remember the last time they gave me some. BEST minutes OF MY LIFE (no wonder some Doctors get addicted to it)

Tonight, after midnight, I am not allowed to eat or drink ANY water. That is going to be SOOO HARD (that's what she said!)

I always wake up in the middle of the night completely parched. It's to prevent patients from feeling nauseous and vomiting. 

I might still have a couple sips of water, I don't give a shit if they have to deal with me barfing. Happened last time, I survived!

I hereby dedicate this song to lil old ME 

GIRLS ON CRUTCHES

Kid Cudi

I could listen to this song on repeat for weeks. 

It just keeps getting better.... and SEXIER ;)

Day N motha fuckin Night

Old blog I wrote over a year ago

Before I write my next blog, I thought I should put y'all in context. I found an old xanga blog I wrote in november 2007 and will post it for my next entry to make more sense.

    Wednesday, November   07, 2007

•   Honey, be careful!

  The cross streets Pender and Abbott will be remembered  by me & a few for a really really long time.
  Most Humans are programmed to think that tragic things wont never happen to them. 
  Let me tell you one thing, Mami, Naomi and I sure didn't think that crossing the street on a green light would get us all simultaneously hit by an SUV. I will write what happened in more details later but  I think im going to nap now. too much effort
     [Now December 9th, a month later]
  So basically we all got hit and went flying in different directions on the street. I thought Mami was dead or dying,  I couldnt get up, was twitching and heard naomi crying. then the bitch that hit us started yelling at me for jaywalking when I didnt and i remember the cops coming and the ambulances. I also was able with some superhero strenght to call Kent and let him know we got hit. I told the paramedic I didnt want to go in the ambulance because I couldnt afford it and the first thing I said when they put me on the strecher was: oh god I sure wish I would have shaved my legs. ahahhahahah yup. for some reason my sens of humor came out when I was in shock. When we got to the hospital and the police officer came in to see how I was I answered; just chilling, you? As I was on a hospital bed w a neckbrace and plugged to an IV. Jeez Im such a comedian! :P
  
  We stayed in the hospital for about 12 hours. I had to pee 4 times on a lil bowl the nurse had to place under my ass as I was lying down.... it SUCKED and  was COMPLICATED! Also having a concussion sucked cuz it made me pull an exorcist (barf) infront of kent and I probably looked and sounded horrible!!!!!
  
  Mami and I are going to need a surgery because we tore our ACL(doesnt heal ever) and MCL ligaments around our left knee. I can't sleep at night from the pain and I have physical anxiety which is not cool but at least I scored some valium!  Im broke as fuck and I cant wait to get back home cuz I aint doing shit here. This trip turned out a little different than what I imagined but ; what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger right?  I shall be harder faster better stronger then!
  
  To all you folks out there, be strong. Things work out.
   & now goodnight and Goodluck

  
  

  
  

  
  

  (about 9 months later I found out I also had a torn PCL, click on this link and read what they say about MCL, PCL AND ACL injuries)  It just hurts so much to see the words; stretched & twisted  

Tropical Dream

Tropical Dream

Peach Snapps

Vodka

Orange juice

Cranberry juice

7up

If drank repeatedly, can end up turning into:

"I'm Never drinking again!" were the first words I said this morning. I, again, got to the point of falling asleep everywhere because of how drunk I got last night. I went to Bifteck, Miami & Korova. Whenever I got to the next bar, it was as if I forgot I drank at the previous one and would drink enough for ten. On the cab ride, I tried to carefully vomit out the window. When I got out, the cab driver came out of the car and made me clean the window. As I was falling over, I tried my best to clean it with a napkin. My friend finally asked the man to let me go because he would pay for his car wash. I think I did a pretty good job anyway :P.

As I stumbled in my friend's apartment I ended up passing out on the floor with my face in a bowl in case I would need a vomit receptacle. (No idea how I am so responsible when I'm unconscious).

I NEED TO PUT AN END TO THIS BINGE DRINKING!

Best song of the night Lykke Li- Little bit

I have watched The Jonas Brothers the experience 3D 

twice now. I have probably never been so infatuated with someone I have never met. Joe Jonas, oh you! It's completely ridiculous. Since its 3D, it really feels like he is in front of you, shaking his beautiful ass and looking into your eyes. PUDDLEEEEEEE!!!! I was screaming and ripping off Stef's arm and my sister's when I went with her on my second time. How wrong is it to imagine oneself with two brothers, doing things married people do?? Yes Joe(19) and Nick Jonas(16) ..... I'm going to bed ;)

Reminiscing

Now that I have been back for 2 days and I am finally taking a break (not necessarily by choice, I have what seems to be a cold/the flu/a migraine/maybe anemia) I realized that the best part of my trip wasn't getting into all those fancy nightclubs for free & going to all these events, but it's all the friends that I have made there. The people that I miss now & that are reaching me asking me to go back. When you are in NY it's easy to get lost in the nightlife. There is always something happening. I, was out every SINGLE night & got home at 3;30 the earliest.(prob why Im so sick now). But what I remember the most is the conversations I had with people. I was alone with boys for the first 8 days out of 10. I was so glad to make girl friends last friday. 2 girls from Austin Texas(Krupa & Veronica) and Gabby from New York. On my last night, 3 hours before I had to take the bus, Veronica, Gabby and I went to Haru Restaurant in Time Square to be able to have a nice girl talk without me having to rush to catch my bus since it was only a few blocks away at Port Authority.

I really love these girls. Veronica is moving from Austin in July & asked me to consider being her roommate. OH, I'm considering ALRIGHT!

(Veronica left and Gabby at my right)

Queens is really not so bad, I thought I'd get mugged since some people had told me the most dangerous parts of New York were :The Bronx, Harlem & Queens. Except, in Astoria Queens, it's pretty chill. There is a Greek street, a Brazilian street, an Italian street and guess what, a MOROCCAN street. Aw, I felt so at home!!! 

Anyway here are a few things I'm missing already:

Drinking Mimosas in the morning

The Dinner boxes from the amazing Japanese resto in Queens for 15$

My crazy adventures in those shoes

As for the people I miss, you know who you are. Especially if you bother to read my blog.

I'm not going into details as to what I did in New York, to respect my friends' privacy but also cuz I just don't think it's a good Idea ;)

One thing I will miss for sure is February 21st, saturday night.

 I was at a bar, fixing my nylons, about to leave, when suddenly, someone bumped into me from the back ;) 

As I was about to fall, someone grabs me by the waist and gently says:

"Sorry Darling."

When I say gently, yes I do also mean with a british accent.

So I turned around, to see none other than

 

Ed Westwick a.k.a Chuck Bass.

Now, I've always wanted to be an actress but pretending on the spot, that you don't know someone that you obviously know and drool over every week can be hard for some people. Fortunately for me, I pulled it off with a simple: "No problem, I'm alright."

Oh the sins I have contemplated in my head...

Start spreading the news...

& the lonely ranger is back.
I just returned from a 10 day trip in New York City. I was just suppose to stay the weekend. Only sleep 2 or 3 nights there but my host, Eddie McCall told me I really had no reason to leave so soon, especially that it was fashion week. I made SO many great friends AND so many GRRR-EATT networking connections (acting wise).

Not to sound conceded but I want to make a t-shirt with : 

NY

 <3 

I

Something magical happens in New York, I don't know if its the fact that I'm Canadian, or my accent but everything seems to fall on my lap with no effort necessary. I LOVE IT!!!

It is so wonderful there, it feels like anything can happen. I believe in myself there, for some reason.

I got a text from my friend when I was there saying: the city who doesn't sleep vs the girl who never sleeps. I think its more the alliance between the two.

Im starting to spread the news... there is a very high possibility that I might move there this summer. if not forever, at least for a while. I am not the only one who says I was made for that city.

These little town blues, are melting away
Ill make a brand new start of it - in old new york
If I can make it there, Ill make it anywhere
Its up to you - new york, new york

Into the WII--IIILLLDD

NEW  YORK is a crazy craaazy town. You never know who you are going to be meeting or partying with. I somehow went to this very exclusive club(no idea what the name is), all I remember is how amazing it felt when I was able to run the the bathroom and pee haha

Anywho, I was dancing by myself in our booth and a guy came up to me and said something. I had no idea what he said but then he came back and was like:Do you know where my jacket is?? 

 (how in the world am I suppose to know that, I've never seen you before)

I wasn't completely right .... here is who he is

That's right, Emile Hirsch. Then some girl came and looked angry so he said goodbye and left.
He was SO handsome & SO nice. Eddie told me :ouuuuuu so he liked you!!
Too bad that bitch was there ;)

oh well, tonight I'm hanging out with Marc Jacob's ex boyfriend. Random? yes. Awesome? most certainly

Taking off again

Some people tell me I'm always leaving. They might be right, I don't know. It just feels natural to me. I have nothing stopping me, no one asking me to stay & that's alright, sometimes one has to be on her own. I don't have a problem with that ...

Single & Fabulous

EXCLAMATION POINT

!!!

I just decided a long time ago that the next time I'd be single on a valentine's day, I wouldn't sit at home and cry or be angry anymore. NO, this time I would celebrate it, celebrate being free, healthy, happy & young & I'm doing it the only way I know how to...

Im just taking a greyhound on the hudson river line-

cause Im in a new york state of mind.

Man Overboard

BLINK 182 REUNITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh Mark, Tom & Travis, oh youuuuu!!!!

It's as if God heard my prayers. 

If there was one thing I regretted, it's that I never saw them play live and I thought I would never have the chance. I was given a second shot!

 Get ready to see me streaking on my 23rd birthday (June 12th).. oh yeah it will happen, I don't know where or how but it has to happen

WELCOME BACK BUDDIES, I HAVE MISSED YOU DEARLY

Can't read my, can't read my...

"Im not ready to confront, I rather submit my words, this way....

You should know my story by now, and why I'm optimistic cautiously...

Cause you are going to have to prove me wrong, before I know it's right. We don't have to decide tonight, just wait for me, patiently oh and you'll get all of me...." - Mandy Moore

Well hello new lover!

I really can't think of one thing that can't be resolved by a delicious piece of brownie; heart break, stressful day, world peace or the fact that I just realized I spent 800$ in 15 days & that 50% was probably on Booze and some food ... yeah .. I don't know how that happened

On a different note, I have been back in Montreal for about 4 days now. I'm glad I get to see my friends again but I seriously miss my routine with Emily in Toronto & by routine I mean, waking up late, checking facebook, eating, do random stuff, get ready while watching sex and the city, go out to dinner , then to a show & end the night drunk enough to pass out as soon as our heads hit the pillow. I can't complain though, I have been having a great time ever since I came back. I hung out with a few friends already & made a couple new ones. I honestly had one of the best days yesterday, full of random adventures & penguins (spraying white shit in the water). 

I can't WAIT to see how the pictures turned out!

There is one song that even after listening to it over and over I just can't get annoyed and it constantly makes me want to dance Poker face

Loves it!

Question, I'm meeting a boy tonight, ohhhh it is NOT what you think, it's not for me no no. Actually, for the first time ever, my sister is "seeing someone". I am going to go with her to see The Virgins (no pun fucking intended) and "HE" will be there. She is currently begging me not to make fun of her or be mean to her in front of him. She also wants me to give him a chance and not beat him up. Man, that's a lot to ask, she has to pick one haha. I'm half  joking , I know I have to be decent and not a total bitch but at the same time I can't be TOO nice, he has to know that if he is a douche bag or player & plans to hurt my sister or just use her I WILL kill him. What would you do in my shoes?

Maybe I'll just play with my brand new DINOSAURS, (little dinosaur use to be my nickname)