Dilemma Dilemma

For months now I said that I would move to New York in september. It is still possible, but for some reason my mind is wandering round and thinking that I might want to go somewhere else first. I thought maybe a few months in europe would be cool. U.K men might just be what I need haha, I won`t need to dream of Jude Law or Alex turner anymore! Then New York pops in my head again, but soon enough L.A comes creeping in and Toronto is just always so much fun-I already have a good crew here. Australia has always been my dream so why not?

As you can see, I need help, directions, because pretty soon, it`ll be me- a hat- a beer- all those countries(or cities) in the hat-a witness- a blink 182 song and THAT IS IT!

God, please help me make the best decision for me and what I am looking for ok?

Oh also God, If you could throw in a couple amazing sexy time sessions in the near future, much appreciated!

Thanks!

Realizations

For most people it takes something drastic, a tragedy, to make them realize that life is fleeting and that there is no time to waste wishing and hoping for our dreams to come true. I've had my share of tragedy. You have to make it happen for yourself. For most of my life I was the girl sitting in a corner, eyes staring at the sky, daydreaming about what my future would turn out to be. Visualization is very important but it has to go further than that. I was always too afraid to pursue my dreams because failure, to me, was far worse than not trying. I have finally come to the point where I've had enough with my excuses not to go ahead and make shit happen!
Ever since I can remember, I've dreamt of being an actress and a singer/songwriter. I am AWARE that a lot of people have the same dream. I am also aware that it's REALLY hard to make it, but can you tell me why in the WORLD I would pick a job that's easy to do/get that I DON'T want to do? Financial security? Don't worry about me I'll be fine. I can have a normal job as I pursue my dreams and if all else fails, I can finish school and get another good job. Any who, I am straying from my main topic, I have SUCH a deep passion for acting, singing and writing that I cannot picture myself doing ANYTHING ELSE. As a little girl, I would write songs and perform in front of my family, I'd make plays and always be the lead role. I remember watching the little mermaid over and over just to remember the words and act it out. It's just always been part of me, not for the fame and fortune but just for the rush I felt whenever I would play another character. It utterly terrifies me but it's also the most liberating feeling, to just be someone else. It's a totally different kind of terrifying when I write songs or when I perform in front of people. So far, I can count on one hand the amount of people who heard songs that I wrote, because the thought of them knowing exactly how I feel and judging me scares the SHIT out of me! It makes me feel completely naked & it usually takes me a couple drinks for either to happen! I just finished reading this article about a certain actor who said that he considers himself as very shy but people around him don't see it and he realized that like really obviously good looking people who use to be chubby, they still see themselves, as the way they were when they were younger. It makes a lot of sense, because whenever I tell people I'm shy, they look at me like they don't know what I'm talking about since I'm very sociable and out spoken, but the little girl in me is still there and she blushes easily, hates public speaking & just wants people to accept her for who she is. I just came back from California, I finally went to Disney Land after 23 years of waiting. I loved it! It only confirmed how much I want to act. How else will I be able to play and be in different worlds without either going to Disney every single day or acting?! Exactly! I bought 2 books for myself. One is called the Power of the Actor. I started reading it in Vancouver but had to fly back home and it wasn't mine. It was a great book. The other one is called Auditioning an actor friendly guide. The woman who wrote it was an actress AND a casting agent, so she knows the two sides of the auditioning process, which is a HUGE PLUS!! The major reason why I never truly pursued acting was because of the audition. Just the thought of having people watching me and me having to give it my all without actually having someone to act WITH, made me want to vomit. Whenever I see people auditioning in movies or on shows, I get SO nervous for them. My favorite part of watching movies is to watch the behind the scenes, I love seeing how they shot some scenes and why they picked the actors etc. I picture myself as the lead girl and the director talking about me. I was just watching Rachel McAdams' screen test and I felt SO nervous for her, I wanted her to nail it you know? and of course she did since she is in the notebook, but I was putting myself in her shoes and just imagining how I would have done it and if I would have been able to let all my emotions come out like she did. It was very intense, but it also clarified why I deserve to let myself do this. This is my true love, it's real, and I should not give up on it, this one is for life, for better or for worse!

Now watch me GO!

BuzzLight Year!

Here is a sneak peek of my Disney Experience.

2 day break

Well Hello fellow bloggers!

                                                I'm finally back in Montreal, not for long though, I'm flying to L.A Wednesday afternoon! New York was interesting, I did a lot of cool things; went to the Met, different restaurants, BBQs, Parties, Birthdays, walked around a lot, Ate dinner at a restaurant by myself, Learnt how to read a map and use the Subway with no one's help,Stayed in Queens then Brooklyn, walked alone in central park, made good friends, realized that some of them were not as cool as I thought... All in all it was a good trip... It's been good, getting to know me more

             I really am everywhere this year, it's pretty cool. In ONE MONTH I went to:

Toronto, Ontario

Vancouver, British Coloumbia

George,Washington

New York city, New York

In less than 48 hours I will be able to add L.A to the list and somewhere in the next 3 weeks, Vegas as well :)

Los Angeles C'mon shake it baby!

16 days left...

It's gonna be CLASSIC!

Single & Fabulous!

Finally, a quiet night with nothing but my ideas. I missed the sound of silence, the calm of my room. It's been a hectic month and it's not about to slow down. My birthday is now only 2 days away. I'm turning 23. How dreadful right? Somehow I don't feel as mortified as I thought I would be. For me, 23 always meant the beginning of the end but things seem to be turning round. It's almost palpable & I cannot WAIT  for that moment. That single instant where I will know, that it is FINALLY happening, what I've ALWAYS  been waiting for.

I'm feeling very independent. Being a single 20 something year old girl can be tough but it is also very empowering to accomplish things on your own. I don't need a man ;)

I'm having the best time of my life, traveling, networking & finding ways to realize my dreams. A boyfriend would only slow me down

 

[Says the girl as she sighs & looks into the distance, she feels lonely]

I am celebrating my birthday this friday at Ros&lina with tons of my "closest" friends & then I will continue celebrating the day Camelia popped into this world and out of... (yes I have to at least be a LITTLE CRUDE) bar hopping on St-Laurent where a lot more of all my "closest" acquaintances will show up and buy me drinks/Champagne highly suggested! June 12 1986 will be acknowledged twice, this time, in New York City on June 18th in a huge club where my friend Eddie will be working. I can't wait to see the turn out!

 Next stop, 

                   City of Angels. I have been dying to meet you for years. The time has come for our paths to cross. This is going to change me, I know it. Stef & I have been dying to go together for 5 years now, the wait is over. 

   Road trip, 

                  Sin City. Just thinking of you turns my grin into a smile. I can't say much, other than WATCH OUT! I have a feeling something very close to "the hangover" will come out of it. I would not be surprised to be coming back with a green card if you know what I mean?

Life is good, life is good. It would be even greater if I could get 2 Blink 182 tickets for their show at the Molson Amphitheater on August 8th in Toronto (as a birthday present). Tickets go on sale today. I don't have a credit card so it's difficult for me to make the transaction. 

Here is hoping!

I am not dead

I just want y'all to know that I haven't blogged in a while since I've been traveling all over the place & now that I'm back home, my friend Emily from toronto is staying with me so I have no time. Maybe this weekend ill sit down and write a few of my crazy traveling stories!!!!

On this note I'll just mention that my travel list is way shorter now since I've been to: Toronto, Vancouver, drove through Seattle, Camped at the Gorge in George Washington, went back to vancouver for a couple days, then back to toronto for a few days. 

My birthday is coming up (in 10 days) still don't know what I want to do though. 

I'm also going to celebrate it in New York, which should be SICK!

Try to figure out what Im thinking about by just looking very carefully at this picture. I have just noticed myself something I never saw in it before and that completely describes me in 2 words!

Wow I love it!!

Things to do

• Get knee to bend to 115 degrees in the next 2 days so I can start going on the bike :)
• Plan my trip to Vegas
• Get more pain killers
• Fill out my Med application
• Soak up the sun so I don't look like a Ghost when I get to L.A
• Continue Learning Japanese
• Finish at least 4 songs and record them as an E.P
• Cough get laid Cough
• Bikini shopping
• Get a bag pack & choose carefully the clothes I will bring to Vancouver.
• Master the Pimp look with my cane.
• Cut my hair
  

Fun Fact, I will show you the way to carry food when you are on crutches.

It's amazing how one can find ways to get around 

when they are handicapped & have no one to help ;)

UNDEAD!

Last night was my sister's 20th birthday. We celebrated it by going to the Hollywood Undead concert at Le National. The evening started off with us pre-drinking absinth & beer in Stef's car right in front of the venue. The show was amazing! I had a seat on the second floor,that was smack dab in the front and center so I had a perfect view and wasn't getting punched in the face or sweated on like everybody in the mosh pit. I still stood for 98% of the show, holding on to a ramp while shouting the words, dancing on 1 leg and taking pictures of these sexy men.

 

They started their set with Undead, which you could say is their Anthem song. It's the perfect first track on an album & a GREAT opener. They took off their masks during the show but put them back in the end when they closed with No. 5
I agree with that choice as well. It left everybody so pumped!!

It's also probably why I spend the ridiculous amount of 55$ for a Hollywood Undead Hoodie.

Once the show was done, we waited around a little. I was the only one with the balls to approach them, so I went to talk to Deuce a.k.a Da Produca. He was really sweet, he thought I wanted an autograph so I let him sign my arm(he was going for my boobs. Don't know why I said no).

Finally, we went to Foufs, where my sister was falling asleep on her chair. Da Kurlzz kept on staring at us but even with my " I saw you looking, come here and talk to me" smile, he would always just look the other way until he thought I wasn't looking anymore and then would stare again. Too bad...

 I got strangers, members of H.U and from First to Last to sing happy birthday to my sister. YOU'RE WELCOME!

Funny man is such a nice guy! When he was crowd surfing, he hit a girl over the head with his feet. Usually people don't give a shit, but he was all concerned and asked her if she was okay. When I asked him to take a picture, not only was he delighted but he rubbed my back when asking what happened to my leg & wishing that I would get better soon. What a sweetheart. These boys put up a front with their masks and lyrics but 60% of the band members are the nicest people I have ever met.

Funny man pulling an ugly face with my sister and I.

A couple of guys from the tour & I talked for a while & it is now set that when Stef & I will be in L.A this July, they are going to take us out, accompany us to LES DEUX even if they think it sucks, go to Disney Land, basically, be our tour guides. I didn't bother mentioning that Stef lived there for months because they seemed way to exited about it. I was promised surfing & drumming lessons. I was jazzed about going to California but now, I can barely sit still!!! (even though I have too HAHA)

COUNTDOWN: 2 months and a week til I land in L.A.X 

Slippery Dick

Last July, when Christina and I were in New York, we went to an "Underground Burlesque show".

I say underground because I assume that the fancy ones only have hot chicks. We did NOT!

I will have the image of a fat girl's cellulite ass & pineapple covered nipples engraved in my head for the REST OF MY LIFE!!!

Any who, there was a Brazilian guy that stripped down to a paper plate in front of his family jewels, then he covered himself up with mustard and ketchup and rubbed it all over his body. As gross as it may sound, it was pretty sexy, because of how sensually he was doing it. Before the stripping began he was doing some sort of aerobic dancing and after a couple of drinks, we tried to imitate him. Our mothers would be SO PROUD! 

Slippery Dick- Peaches

I love you, standing all alone with a black coat

I'm going back to the West Coast. May 21 to 27th.

This trip is long overdue since I haven't been back, not once, and I've been in Montreal since Christmas day 2007!

Memories started flooding back, some good, some bad, but it definitely makes me miss the good times. :)

Living in Vancouver was SO different than living in Montreal.

 No one speaks French there, that's one thing. There are 50% more asians & the city is surrounded by the sea and mountains. It's Gorgeous!

Montreal is a sweet city, it'll always be my hometown but I never felt like I really belonged here. Vancouver was beautiful, but not exactly my rhythm either. Which is why New York is my next step.

On another note, after staying in Vancouver for a couple days, my trip will lead me to Seattle, where the Lovely Naomi invited me to a Film Festival Premiere.

 

Then, if all goes according to plan, she will join Greg and I on our road trip to George, Washington , where a couple of my friends from California will drive up to as well.

The Sasquatch Festival will be 3 days/nights of drunk camping and ear drums exploding to the sound of:

Kings of leon, Gogol Bordello, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, The Walkmen, DEADMAU5, 

Explosion in the sky, Tv on the Radio, the Decemberists and more...

Im looking forward to this adventure and to walking again!!

Don't Mess with the Zocam!

Last night, a boy mouth raped my sister. She immediately pushed him away for many reasons (she didn't want to kiss him, she has a bf and HE has a gf). Since he is a dumb douche bag, his girlfriend found out, therefore he started blaming my sister & decided to email her boyfriend to get her in in trouble as well.  Here is the email I just sent that lil excrement :

LIFE LIST 

1-Instead of cheating on someone, you can make a conscious decision to just be single and fuck around all you want.

2-If you are going to cheat, be smart enough not to get caught a.k.a kissing your gf's friend (who doesn't want to kiss you) and IN FRONT of common friends is a big no no.

3-When you DO get caught, admit to your mistakes & try to work it out or accept your defeat since you brought it on yourself.

4-Don't try to manipulate everyone and make yourself the victim, it's pathetic!

5-Writing shit to the girl in question's bf just because you are in trouble with your gf is CHILDISH and only makes you look like MORE of a pussy than you already are.

6-Taking advantage of drunk girls & telling them they wanted it and trying to fuck with their minds is pretty close to the rape family, don't you think?

Wow you certainly accomplished a lot, this list must make you feel SO Proud!

You should take this opportunity to reevaluate your life and try to make more positive choices.

Buddha.

I could have been a lot harsher, but I Decided to be decent. If his answer ends up being disrespectful, which who are we kidding, will probably be, Then I will have to take out the big guns, I know people. Don't mess with the ZoCam ;) !!

Excuse me, your life is waiting!

What's up with everybody being depressive, whiney, and annoying as HELL with how much they hate their lives?!?!?! Jeez people, do you have any idea how lucky most of you are? Inform yourselves with what is going on around the world, you'll soon realize that your "problems"  are insignificant and so are you if you don't SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET OVER YOURSELVES!!!!

I use to complain a lot and see myself as a victim, I'm not gonna lie, but THANK GOD, I got over that and I have never felt BETTER.  I wish people would also understand that the key to "happiness" is to just accept things as they are, do your best, and stop trying to control things that are OUT of your control. Buddhist philosophies are a tremendous help for insane self-centered people a.k.a 99% of the population. It brought me from my old "stress ball dying of a heart attack at 25 self" to new " Chill dude, it's going to be all good. Everything happens for a reason self". I'm not saying that everyone should become buddhists. But reading their philosophies can give one the chance to learn about common sense ways of living life. Sometimes all you need is a little push.

Relax people, have a drink and do whatever it is you want to do because everything will be alright. There is nothing you CAN'T handle. It can be tough, painful and scary but acting like it's the end of the world every time there is a little bump on the road is not the right way to live and it won't get you ANYWHERE, trust me. I will be really lame and quote the author of " Excuse me, your life is waiting" Lynn Grabhorn: " We, humans, have an electrochemical currency running through us, which is affected by our emotions. When you are feeling happy or joyful, that current or energy, vibrates at a higher frequency than when you are feeling sad or angry. When you're vibrating at a high frequency, you're more likely to attract happy people, than when you vibrate at a low, sad frequency. It's the law of attraction in physics." 

Basically, when you are having a pity party, all you are doing, is attracting more people that are as depressed as you and creating negative situations in your life. Ever since I got over all that, I have allowed so many great people into my life, let all the bad ones go & opportunities have been knocking on my door non stop. I truly believe in visualization. Sometimes, I just close my eyes and picture what I want my life to be. By picturing it, I create the emotions I would feel if it was actually going on and with my feelings, I ATTRACT these situations, events, these OPPORTUNITIES. 

The way we think...
...causes the way we feel. . .
...and the way we feel. . .
...causes the way we vibrate
...and the way we vibrate. . .
...IS HOW WE ATTRACT!!

You should get on that!

p.s: In 2004 Lynn Grabhorn flew to Europe to have an assisted suicide due to an illness. Don't let that stop you from reading her book though. It's a great book but she was sick and thought that her job here was done. It doesn't mean that she didn't know what she was talking about.